My mother, Betty Sue Brown Adams, died last week. She was born on May 2, 1933 and died June 17, 2015. It felt very strange to add a death date to her entry in Reunion, my family tree software.
Since I’m a writer, my father asked me to write her obituary. Fortunately, we had had discussions about what she wanted in her obituary, so it was quite easy to write. I wrote it the day after she passed away and submitted to the local paper on June 19. It was published Sunday, June 21.
Yesterday, I was looking at the obituary and realized it contained an error, one that was completely my fault. It wasn’t a big deal–I wrote that she’d been a volunteer at the Blue Mountain Humane Society Gift Shop when in fact she’d been a volunteer at the Blue Mountain Humane Society Thrift Shop. It’s a subtle, but significant difference.
Seeing that error made me realize how easy it is for errors to be introduced into obituaries. I was writing with a clear head, with pre-planned information, into a document that I emailed to the newspaper. And yet an error showed up in print.
Just think how easily errors could be introduced into the obituaries of our ancestors: the writer may or may not have known the deceased person. The person who wrote the obituary may or may not be a good writer. The information may have been hand-entered for typesetting. There are so many ways an obituary can be made inaccurate.
So that’s today’s genealogy take away from my mother’s passing: Take obituaries with a grain of salt.
By the way, I wrote on my organizing blog yesterday about the importance of having the difficult conversation that will help make someone’s death easier for survivors. If you have loved ones near the ends of their lives, I encourage you to check it out.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother Janine, my condolences. I’m your cousin, John Brown, Max Brown was my father. My brother Jerry sent this to me.
John, thank you so much for your note. It’s always nice to “meet” another cousin. I love my Brown cousins!!
So very sorry for your loss.
Thanks so much, Maria.
So sorry, Janine. I wish you peace and comfort and that her memory will bring you joy.
Thank you, Nydia. There was a lovely memorial service yesterday, which brought great comfort.
I’m so sorry Janine for your loss.
Thanks, Vickie. I appreciate it.
Very sorry for your loss, Janine.
Thanks so much, June.
Janine, sending you condolences and warm regards at this difficult time. It is a terrible loss to lose your mother.
Thank you, Elizabeth. I certainly am feeling the loss. But I’m also feeling fortunate that her passing was swift and peaceful.
I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother and Friend, sending hugs to you.
Thank you for the hugs, Juanita.
I’m so sorry for your loss Janine. Sincere condolences to you and your family.
Thanks, Jana. I appreciate your kind words.
Janine,
I want to let you know that your blog post is listed in today’s Fab Finds post at http://janasgenealogyandfamilyhistory.blogspot.com/2015/06/follow-friday-fab-finds-for-june-26-2015.html
Again, I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s difficult to lose a parent. My father passed away six years ago.
Thanks, Jana. I’m always delighted when one of my posts lands in your Fab Finds list, but this one feels particularly special.
Very sorry for your loss. My mother passed away 3 years ago, she was in home hospice at our family house and my siblings and I took care of her with hospice nurse help for the 1/2 hour or so that they came most days. We did not know what was wrong with her specifically, or just what she died from. If you ask me it was from the overdoses of fentanyl and morphine into her near skeletal 5′ frame. When I asked for a blood test to be taken (earlier on) so we could know the results – how bad her kidney disease, which she did have, had progressed, etc – I was told that if I wanted to be that “aggressive” (Hospice’s word) they would take away hospice, her bed, her medications, the nurse care, everything, that day. What choice did we have, we couldn’t afford to pay for all these items, so we were held hostage by hospice and their death program.
To get to the point: a doctor who was a total stranger to my mother and the situation wrote that she died of artherosclerosis, which was never her problem. I was very angry and wanted it changed, was told “it could not be.” That cant be possible, but I had way too much on my hands to take care of to look into this further and find out just what would have to be done to correct an error in a death certificate and make it accurate. Surely this happens all the time – a suicide or accident is found to be a homicide, and so forth.
My point like yours, is not to trust what it says even in an “official” document like a death certificate. Someone looking into family history for medical reason would be mislead. If they were looking for a pattern of kidney disease, e.g., they wouldn’t know my mother had it – if that is even what she died from. If they were looking to prove heart disease runs in my family, then they’d mistakenly find it.
When we can’t even trust so-called official documents signed off on by a doctor who has taken an oath as to the truth on these, what CAN we truly trust when researching family history?
again, my condolences to you. In my own experience, and being very close to my mom, it is vey hard to lose a mother at any age, and no matter the situation.
Diane, I’m sorry for your loss, too. Thank you for the important reminder that even official documents like death certificates are only as good as the informant. That’s why having multiple sources for any fact is really important. Thanks for commenting.
Sorry for the loss in your family. Moms are especially tough. May I comment on the obit? My gr-grandfather’s – Perry Dunbar was written by one of his daughters. She made him a little younger than he was, and she listed herself as married, when she was…well living with her honey, It was 1962 and nice ladies didn’t do things like that. I still chuckle that grandpa would care if he was listed as 83 or 81 years old, but maybe it made her seem younger.
That’s funny, Jacquie. Your great aunt took the opportunity to rewrite history, didn’t she? Thanks for your comment.